My relationship with home has been crazy.

From fighting for a home to let it go, somewhere I stopped desiring for one. Sometimes because it was hard to keep holding onto it anymore, and sometimes because I was done - for how can you find something that never existed.

Despite how hard it was to keep holding on to the idea or a desire for a home, I still wanted it. There is a hope that it will be better, there is a desire that it may become better. 

Until that point, I stopped desiring one at all. 

Can you imagine how crazy it was? What left me astonished, and aching was that it wasn’t even because my resilience ran out, or my patience left me alone - but mostly because I was told so many times that this was not the end or all. 

Well, excuse me, it may be not the end or all, for you - but it matters the world to me. 

How many times there have been when you stopped desiring something because it wasn’t understandable to the world?

Ugh, I know, we all say that what others think shouldn’t affect us, and ideally that is how it should have been, for all of us. 

And sooner or later, there comes a point where you have to throw that cup at the wall and stand up, saying enough! 

I do not want to let other’s point of view on things I desire. 

What I have realized is that, sometimes, even when we do not want it like this, things affect us, and that is normal. The people we love, the people around us, the people we care about and trust with sharing our feelings - have some effect on how we think. 

Do you know why the people we love the most hurt us?

Because it matters to us what they say - or else what do we care what someone says.

And that has been something, I had to learn, once again. Yeah, once again. And it’s fine to relearn something. Because healing isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.

But what if one time, one person, would have just listened to me and told me that I would get what I wanted? 

Okay, if it seems too hard to do so! Only if people learn or understand that what they want for themselves, or what they seem seems good to them isn’t the end of the world - and that if someone is telling you about what they want, they are just telling you, they are not asking your opinion in that particular moment.

Because if they would have, they would have told you or asked you, right?

I am not drowning in “what if”, I am just trying to explain something to you that, what you desire for yourself, fight for it. 

It bothers me! For many reasons.

Firstly, it is a complete invalidation of someone’s sharing things with you. We don’t need validation from the outside world, but it says that you are not listening to me, and you care more about your opinion on it. 

Secondly, acceptance of difference. Difference in wants and desires. The difference in life, experiences, and someone’s struggles. 

Then, what you want for yourself, isn’t what everyone is looking for or is the only right thing in the world. I mean, I want home, but I would never go and tell everyone that it is the only right thing in the world. 

Maybe, they like to wander the roads, and home isn’t something they are looking for. And that is what makes me wanna be with someone, for their uniqueness. 

So, for all that building up the context, what I wanted to say was that know that you want something for a reason. 

Your own reason, which does not need outside validation. 

That your situation is different from others.

You have lived a different life, and you have your own experiences that contributed to shaping you to be the person you are today, and what you want from life going further. 

Argh! When I think back, it makes me go crazy that there was a time I stopped wanting a home - but I kept coming back to it anyway, in the end. 

And after sitting there with myself, I realized that everyone telling me that this is not the end is just their opinion of it, and it does not define or should ever shape my perspective of what I want from life. 

We can respect people, and we can only tell them that we appreciate their opinion, but we do not want to listen to it every time we talk about something we want for ourselves. 

No matter how hard you try to isolate your perspective from the outside, things do affect us. You know, even when the lie is spoken more and by many people, it becomes the truth. 

What I realized is that isn’t that hard to build a home, but fighting to validate your desires is what takes more time - and we ain’t got that much time. 

Desire, find, and create your home - if you want it.