Jun 95 min read

The books that changed my perspective on heartbreak

. . . and life and love and hardships

For a moment, setting aside the fact that haram relationships can never bring you peace(we will talk about it some other time), it’s either the right friend or the right book that saves you. I wasn’t reading anything for a long time when I stumbled upon this book, and it surely was the read worth a soul.

Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed

This is the book that I just ate the first part of it in a bite. Can you imagine this book starting with a chapter “Why do people have to leave each other?”, kinda resonated with me back then, seeing my situation, leaving love while being in love, being deceived, and betrayal, I had lost faith in trusting people - and it's natural.

Yasmin Mogahed knows how to resonate with people on a deeper level, with real examples, and situations we fall into, especially haram relationships.

This book gave me an open perspective on how being a Muslim, there is no such thing as relationships(out of marriage) - especially - no matter how pure your intentions are, how loyal you are, how sincere you are to the other person. I had this perspective, and most of us young girls think that, if a man promises us to marry, it is okay to be with them, emotionally and physically - this is the biggest lie, a horrible lie, and a hard truth.

I read somewhere, that when you give a man, the wife benefits in the boyfriend phase, that's when things go wrong. And Islam tells us the same. Don't be anything to any man, no matter how good he is, unless he is your husband, if that is what you are looking for.

Anyways, being into this book like a marathon, by the end of chapter 1, my heart told me to take it slow - because I did not just want to rush through it, but absorb and internalize every single idea and concept.

This book is the right source, or company that we need in our lowest times when we are broken and vulnerable. Because it is the point where things don't make sense, and make the most sense, if you know what I mean.

I stumbled upon this book at the moment when I was broken to the point that whatever I had been into, was going to be my reality.

Amongst many topics revolving around the heart in this book, my favorite ones are;

“On filling the inner home and coming home”

“Take back your heart”

“Fall in love with the real thing”

“Pain loss and the path to God”

When we become too absorbed into the world we lose sight of our natural spiritual instinct. Love for people and other things in the world fogs our vision of the real love. Which, as I have said before the first step to attachment is detachment.

If you really want to gain back control over your heart, which is the source of your spiritual, emotional, and mental peace and growth, this is the book you need.

My favorites from the chapters

“Completion cannot be found in anything other than God.”

“I have been looking for God my whole life, I just didn’t know it”

“Liberation of the self from the servitude to any created thing is freedom. That is happiness”

“So when we reach for other than HIM(Allah), we are not only reaching for what is weaker, we are also reaching past what is closer, for what is further and more distant”

“Creator doesn’t hold grudges”

“But a Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as a standard. She has God to give her value; she does not need a man to do this”

Healing the Emptiness by Yasmin Mogahed

Another favorite from my most favorite Yasmin Mogahed is the book “Healing the Emptiness”. This book is focused on emotional and spiritual well-being.

Finally after getting perspective on what real love is and how loving someone with a pure heart doesn’t make it right(halal) - anyone, like me, would have wondered, why I still feel empty.

Leaving some bad does not mean you do not will feel the pain. It does not mean that you will not remember old times, or will sometimes want to go back to the people or situations you never wanted to leave, despite them being bad for you.

Healing does not mean that you are pure from all that, it means that you acknowledge those parts of you, and you make the right decisions, and take actions that please Allah, and align with your values.

I recommend this book who feel the need to have someone sincere with them, holding their hand and guiding them through the tunnel - step-by-step.

More of like a motivational, self-help guide(a proper Muslim guide), this book offers a precise yet detailed perspective of pain and suffering, and how to understand our suffering, identify barriers in our healing, and finally treat the wounds, and then keeping our safe from falling into spiritual diseases again.

My Favorite chapters; The books that changed my perspective on heartbreak

Ugh, if you would ask me to choose my favorite, I really would never be able to choose any one from these two books.

Toxic myths of Sabr

Speaks about how society has changed the narrative of Sabr to meet their specific needs. How people are told to stay silent on abuse in the name of patience, which is not how Allah has defined sabr.

Shame

This chapter reminded me of how blessed I am to be a servant of Allah. How we can use our shame to seek repentance. Allah not only forgives but He also conceals our sins, unlike humans.

Picking the scabs

It is not necessary to keep the grief alive, by constantly or even occasionally(if unnecessarily) keep reminding ourselves of the loss. We should never find comfort in grief, but in the one who cures grief and gives us better than what He takes away from us.

The Journey to God

How to see God, how to see ourselves, how to see the world, how to see the life of our Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) to redefine pain in order to transform our lives - this chapter is closest to my heart.

For today's "The books that changed my perspective on heartbreak", these are my favorite books to read, especially for Muslim women(and men too) to understand "real love", and how to navigate through loss.

What is that one book that changed your perspective about love? I would love to add it to my wishlist.

*the experiences shared in this post are for learning a valuable lesson, and not to highlight/expose sins.